With each passing day, I’m increasingly convinced that many of the answers to the problems faced in this world lie in interpersonal connections. There is strength and power and community, and as I age, I feel that and respect it increasingly.
I was disturbed by a 2023 report featured in The Hill. This concluded that young people today are spending less time with friends. Electronics, convenience, and distance are contributing to these issues.
Some are perhaps merely "busy" and seek the convenience of digital interaction. Others are perhaps avoiding the personal interaction and socialization that persisted and predominated in a pre-digital world.
Is digital interaction a viable substitute for a good, old-fashioned conversation?
At the end of the day, is a low-fat, zero-sugar, almond milk, frozen “dessert“ a worthy substitute? Well, if I were offered nothing else, I might accept this substitute, but to be honest, it is not my first choice. I would be much happier with a three-scoop banana split sundae, complete with nuts and a cherry.
Some would say that is pretentious—each is "dessert," though the healthy alternative might instead be a "desert," but I digress.
Follow me. Dessert is enjoyable. There’s an old saying that a bad day of fishing beats a great day at the office (others have substituted golf, gardening, and others, for "fishing"). In that vein, a bad dessert beats Brussels sprouts.
I sure would rather have a pint of ice cream. No, not “frozen dessert,“ I’m talking about the real down-home, sufficient milk fat, “ice cream.”
The subject of young people and their proclivities for digital interaction came back to me recently. CBS News reports that teens are increasingly turning to artificial intelligence (AI) for friendship. One teenager noted:
"'Everyone uses AI for everything now. It's really taking over,' said Chege, who wonders how AI tools will affect her generation. 'I think kids use AI to get out of thinking.'"
Teens are regularly using platforms designed to be companions. These platforms, "like Character.AI or Replika" are designed to be responsive and interactive. They "can be customized with specific traits or personalities" and attract the user with attributes like "emotional support, companionship, and conversations that can feel human-like."
Let's be honest. They are not ice cream. Hard stop.
These young people are increasingly exposed to these substitutes, and they like them. The statistics are staggering: "34% reporting daily usage or multiple times a week." There are perhaps valid uses for such tools. A young person might gain insight, build courage, and develop self-confidence through such tools.
But, in the end, technology cannot replace human relationships. In the end, there is a need for real conversation with real, flawed, imperfect people. People need dissent, disagreement, and difference. A sycophantic autobot that echoes and commiserates with all your individualism may be comforting, but I suggest it is not a healthy diet.
The consequence of losing those real human interactions cannot be overstated. The interactions are who we really are. We need the genuine interaction. We need the varied perspectives. Our brains were built for challenges, not merely concurrence and harmony.
In the pre-cell phone era, we used to talk to people on the phone a lot. We conversed, shared anecdotes, interacted, and related. Many will remember some calls that ended with a disagreement about the simplicity of who would hang up first. That was an odd and yet endearing commonality.
Those calls were full of imperfection—humans are imperfect. The reactions were real. Attempts at humor soared or flopped. Often, hours or days later, we had epiphanies of what we "should have said." And, with each one, we grew in our ability to interact, to engage, and to converse.
Along came the cell phone, and that impact was muted. When they arrived, I was an early adopter in 1987. In that age, there were "pay phones" on every corner (it seemed like it), and for a quarter ($0.25) you could make a call. My first cell phone similarly cost me $.25 to make the call and $.25 per minute for every minute. Cell calls were understandably short in those days.
Evolution brought lower prices. In the 1990s, using the tool became a viable economical alternative to those now-extinct pay phones. Our phones became more invasive. Our previous times of solitude, like driving, became opportunities and even obligations for calls. Productivity increased, but at what price? As unlimited plans came, usage increased. But we were talking.
Then the text messaging protocols from the early nineties took off in the early 2000s. That was driven largely by kids, but as keyboards evolved (with devices like the Blackberry, the Moto, and eventually the smartphone), we all began to text. This evolved into full words, and with dictation software into paragraphs.
If you were looking for the beginning of the end, it is likely the advent of text messaging in the early 1990s. This tool has been a panopoly of challenges. We communicated in abbreviations and emoticons (does anyone know what they all mean? The thumbs up I get, but the rest not so much). I most often skip over the emoticons for fear of misinterpreting something. See What We Intend (July 2023).
The end? Of what? Of interaction. Far too much is attempted these days with the ubiquitous text message and its older cousin, the email. They are efficient, fast, and utterly without context. They are engagement, but of the lowest order. Pick up the phone - it is called that for a reason.
Sure, it has secondary uses for messaging, but it can be used for a conversation. A real, banana-split conversation. An imperfect, interactive, real conversation. No, you won't be persistently smooth, suave, and debonair. Yes, you will misspeak, misstate, and even find yourself at a loss for words. But it will all be real. And you will grow personally and interactively as a result.
The OJCC sponsored its third Meet and Greet at the WCI on August 17, 2025. We shook hands, conversed, and interacted. In person was even better than the call. I met new people and enjoyed rekindling old relationships. I learned things, got advice, and experienced smiles, affirmation, and engagement.
The more personal the interaction, the more real it is. There is no "low fat" or "substitute." Get real, pick up the phone to call instead of texting or emailing. Converse, share, and interact. People are a great experience; try it in person.
We should have seen the perils in texting—we missed it and regret it.
We should similarly see the peril in AI—they are programs, not friends (or counselors, physicians, etc.). Get back to people. Go to events in person. Pick up the phone and interact. A bad phone call still beats Brussels sprouts, if you get my drift.
