Back in 2014, I wrote Can We Help Each Other. In it, I quoted an anonymous letter-writer: "We don’t know who is fighting what battle." That was an entreaty about the pressures of the day-to-day in a normal world. We all have struggles, pressures, and challenges. But those have likely changed in the COVID world of 2020. One of the greatest challenges as humans is change. We tend to avoid it, and often it affects us profoundly. But, it is relentless.
I was thinking of both stress and people during a recent phone conference. Details were recounted of various encounters that are being related to our various offices. The common denominator of all of those is that we just do not know what people are going through.
Imagine someone is the one "lucky" to be telecommuting. Co-workers may envy that, the freedom from traffic, dress codes, etc. But in reality, telecommuting can be lonely, isolated, and stressful. Some who are telecommuting are simultaneously babysitting, parenting, cheffing, providing medical care or attendance, and more.
Contrarily, someone is the "lucky" one that is still going to the office. But the office is not presently the cheerful place it was. There is no chit-chat, doughnut Friday, or camaraderie. The office has become very disconcertingly quiet, lonely, and isolated. Perhaps with only one or two people present; has it become eerie and somewhat creepy?
Imagine one is the "lucky" one who has no family to care for, and no responsibilities. They can go home after work and "actually relax." But, contrarily, imagine one is the "lucky one" who is not alone, isolated, and scared. Family is a great comfort in such times, but perhaps relationships can be momentary challenges as well?
Imagine one is the "lucky" one who got some government relief in the form of a stimulus check recently. They can pay bills or perhaps indulge. But, imagine someone else is the "lucky one" that earns too much to qualify, or has the continued shelter of a family structure that precludes their eligibility.
Imagine a lawyer, doctor, or other professional who is seen as "lucky" for their success. But, consider that professionals may be consumed right now with worry over whether they can make payroll next month, pay the electrical bill, rent, or various other commitments. That professional or business owner may be literally losing sleep over all of this.
There is the potential for jealousy, misunderstanding, and animosity in this time. It is easy to see the grass elsewhere as greener. In some ways, it is our human nature to do so. It is easy to focus on where we see ourselves and to imagine that someone else has it better.
Through it all we may reach a point of frustration. We may make errors that, while purely honest human nature, we would not have made a month ago. We may reach out for instruction more often, misunderstand instructions more often, and misinterpret situations (or the tone of emails or calls) more often. This is a part of the reality to which stress contributes. We, at the end of it all, are merely human.
Thomas Paine wrote in 1776 that "these are the times that try men's souls." That is an apt quote for this time in which we live. As professionals in the law, the insurance industry, medicine, and more, we are weeks into a situation the likes of which none of us have ever confronted. We are uncertain, doubtful, and frankly scared. If we had some end-point, perhaps it would help us to focus. A goal might bring comfort. But, no one knows when this will end, or how.
Instead, there is uncertainty. Will the economy reopen this date or that? Will I be able to _________? How will this affect my ____________ (vacation plans, graduation, family commitments, etc., etc,). We sit and we wonder. As we do, we have to remain cognizant of the fact that we may not be handling the stress as well as we think. We have to focus daily on sustaining ourselves. I cautioned of this in Stress in the Time of COVID. It is astounding to realize that was only a month ago, it seems longer.
Are you eating regularly and nutritiously? Are you getting outside every day for a walk, some sun, some air? Are you connecting with others for a conversation? Are you making time for sleep? Are you being honest with yourself about your COVID response? Are you finding some avenue to open up and vent your frustrations and feelings? In short, are you taking care of you? Remember the flight attendant says to put your mask on first so that you can help those around you.
You should be taking care of you. You should be reminding yourself of a few things. First, you will not be perfect in this time (hint: you were not perfect before). Second, you will be stressed and that can both exacerbate your performance and affect your health. Third, whether you see it or acknowledge it, everyone you know is also going through something; ignore the hue of the grass and your perceptions as to whether theirs is better/worse than yours.
Finally, remind yourself daily that we are all in this together. Before you reach for blame, succumb to anger, or engage in righteous indignation, try to remember we are all in this together. Be slow to fault and quick to forgive. Strive to find a way to facilitate others in a quest for achievement and success. Now is an empowerment opportunity. Remember that what you do, and how you do it, matters to people who depend upon you.
We will get through this. There will be uncertainty, stress, and pain. But, we will get through this. Let's be proud on the other side that we did so together. And, if you just want to chat, email me anytime: david.langham@doah.state.fl.us.
