It is intriguing when the community erupts. An interesting example was a Phillies-clad baseball fan attending a game in Miami. There was a ball hit into the stadium seats, and the usual mad rush to recover it.
The Phillies-clad fan in Miami did not recover the ball, at least apparently. A man walked away from the rush holding the ball and delivered it to his son. However, the Phillies-clad fan approached, assaulted, battered, and apparently berated. From whatever motivation, that fan procured the ball, embarrassed herself on the national consciousness, and walked away.
If you have ever experienced the thrill of a foul ball or home run opportunity like this, then you may understand the adrenaline. But only if you have lived it. Frankly, when viewed on television, the secondhand excitement is not so compelling; in the moment, though ... In the moment, there is a thrill. There is the chase, the competition; only one person will leave with that prized baseball.
For the sake of clarity, you can buy a dozen brand-new baseballs for less than $30.00 (I checked). That is about $2.50 each. Compared to the cost of an emergency room visit, they are simply not in the same league. Nonetheless, fans will hurdle seats, jostle, jump, and occasionally even fight to put their hands on a memory.
I carried one for decades, a ball connected to a player named Rollie Fingers (pictured below) of the famed Oakland A's of the last century. I am not certain today what ever happened to that ball. But, as my aging brain deteriorates, I think I will never forget my father handing it to me one afternoon, long ago, in Oakland.
Entitlement. That has become a buzzword in the last so many years. There are comparables in terms of buzzword popularity, but entitlement is right up there. Another favorite is triggered. The behavior of people is described as entitled or excused with the explanation that they were triggered. The "triggered" somehow makes bad behavior excusable, at least in the view of the "triggered."
If you spend any time on social media or in coffee shops, you will find that other things are also said about the ill-behaved. But this is a G-rated blog. Some observers find themselves able to justify or excuse almost any behavior if the observed person was "triggered." Others take a dim view of the entitled, triggered, and tragic.
The recent incident in Miami may have many explanations. The one in vogue is a lady in Philadelphia Phillies teamwear who pursued a loose baseball, but did not retrieve it. She is seen on various videos pursuing a man who had retrieved the ball and gifted it to another young man.
The lady confronted the man, who displayed signs of surprise at being accosted and even touched (touching other humans without their consent can be troublesome; some police officers might arrest someone doing that for "battery," or at least "assault"). The man quickly handed the ball to the lady, who then retreated.
The same or similar lady was also later perceived (videoed) as having an animated conversation with another man in the stands and allegedly communicated in sign language "of a single digit" with an entire seating section at one point. And they say culture and class are dead.
As regards the ball retrieval, the world of social media erupted. There was a hunt conducted, intending to identify the FAH. That process led to one misidentification of a Red Sox fan and another human who was also not the FAH in question. The internet took great interest in finding and publicizing this tragic person until bigger news pushed that to the back of the collective consciousness.
So, who is the lady of potential Philadelphia fanhood? Who cares? As time passed, other news stories overtook the entitled sign-language warrior and the now all-important baseball. The entire situation is troublesome, and yet there is hope in a general consensus that the triggered and tragic lady was wrong in various ways.
The real point is that we have come to accept that being "triggered" is an excuse for inappropriate, immature, and ugly behavior. It is not. That said, such behavior occurs. We are all human and we have emotions, reactions, and shortcomings. It even occurs in judges who put their emotional immaturity and instability on display. These unfortunate examples scream, stomp, and decompensate.
The real point is not that we fall down. We all do. We might even slip so low as to become unhinged over someone's clearly innocuous office decorations, or something even more trivial (if something more trivial in fact exists). I knew a 40-something who got into a fistfight with a bar over his beloved Florida Gators football team once (is it OK because he was triggered by the Georgia fans in that bar?).
Hint: getting into a fistfight with an entire bar of patrons is very rarely a great idea. Second hint, if/when you decide it is time to counsel someone else on what they wear, where they park, or your perceptions of the propriety of their actions, brace for becoming an internet sensation (at worst) and losing the respect of those around you (at best).
Thus, admitting our frailty and humanity, how do we respond when we have overreacted or worse? The first instinct is to run and hide. A frequent fallback is simple self-denial. Some jump straight to justification and excuse. And a small minority elects the simple, straightforward apology.
In the end, it is that last one that is best. In a recent example, a Polish millionaire took that path after snagging a hat from a child, see Fortune. Of course, the apology should really go to the victim of the "triggered" attack, and if that is an entire section that was shown a single finger, then that is who should get the apology.
You can also apologize in private to your family, employer, or others you have impacted, but the public apology to match your public display of stupidity (however brief) is both necessary and appropriate. The private apology may soothe your soul, but it is not sufficient. If you make a public spectacle of yourself, a private apology may not be as cleansing as a public one. It may even be damaging.
Is the apology dependent on being "right" or "wrong?" Likely not. Whatever one's subjective belief, the best path is usually the apology. In addition, the context can be important.
This is an admonition or advice I share often with judges, attorneys, and potential witnesses. When you make a public spectacle, make a public apology. Whether you were right or wrong, this acknowledges that you are emotionally mature, showing goodwill, and moving on.
I would suggest that the extent to which you are personally "triggered" is of little relevance in most such disputes. Try to forget what drove you to take a souvenir from a child, counsel someone on their wardrobe, or other perceived affront. Apologize in some equally public manner, and move on.
If you are on the side of publicly shaming or demonizing some "ball snatcher," remember it is not about you—allow the actual victim party to accept the apology or not, and to likewise move on.
In the process, the world will be a better place for the snatcher and the child. Try to remember in the process that what your emotions drive to criticality today, may not be so important tomorrow. That is, after all, merely a baseball. I have no idea what happened to mine, but the memory is what is important anyway.
Try to shed your angst. Angst over the ball, over being accosted by a screaming idiot, or over being single-fingered by some emotionally immature, ball-snatching, emotionally labile fellow human. Try to shed the angst and move on.
Finally, if you are out there somewhere, reading this, Rollie, thanks for the memories, man.